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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415321">Unknown Lover</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaCarroll1691/pseuds/SaCarroll1691'>SaCarroll1691</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unknown Lover [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Flight Attendant (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:48:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415321</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaCarroll1691/pseuds/SaCarroll1691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miranda Croft/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unknown Lover [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You met her at a restaurant of all places almost a year ago now. Her brilliant blue eyes pulled you in like you had absolutely no say. Things were different but you know all relationships are different. You just never could get past how she kept you at arms length and she would fuck you but never let you touch her. When you finally saw her walls start to fall she disappeared and you hadn’t seen her in almost eight months. </p>
<p>It’s a normal Tuesday a little rainy. You’re taking a taxi home from work. When someone runs a light and hits the side where you happen to be sitting. The last thing you see before everything goes black is bright blue eyes. You wake in a hospital bed and you try to remember what happened but the last thing you remember is some Christian summer camp your parents sent you to when you were 16. You start to panic which makes your blood pressure and heart rate rise. Which of course sets off an annoying alarm on the equipment connected to your body. </p>
<p>A woman with dark hair and the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen gently grabs your arms and tells you to breathe. </p>
<p>“Everything is going to be alright.” She says in a Scottish accent you weren’t expecting but still seems familiar to you. </p>
<p>You nod and match your breathing to hers as sleep pulls you back under. </p>
<p>You wake again a few hours later to the same woman and the doctor standing beside your bed. </p>
<p>“I was just telling your girlfriend here you have a long road to recovery. It was a very nasty accident.” The Doctor smiled softly at you in what you were sure was supposed to be a reassuring manner. </p>
<p>You were turning the word girlfriend over and over in your head. The last relationship you remember was with a boy named Lucas. </p>
<p>“I would really feel better if someone could get my mother.” You said with a shaky voice. </p>
<p>You watched as the woman’s face fell into a look of confusion. </p>
<p>“Darlin’ your mother died two years ago.” The woman said to you. You watched as the doctor left to give you both some space. </p>
<p>You tried and tried to conjure up a memory of what the woman had said. </p>
<p>“I don’t remember.” You said quietly. </p>
<p>The woman doesn’t ask questions or push you to explain anything over the next five days in the hospital. It’s like she knows you need this space to think and try to figure things out yourself. </p>
<p>The doctor comes in to start your discharge papers. You nod and reply when you should. The woman who is apparently your girlfriend as far as you know has not left your side the entire time. She even walked beside you as you used a walker going up and down the halls attempting to walk properly again. </p>
<p>“Everything is good to go and your girlfriend Ms. Croft here has promised to take good care of you.” One of the friendly nurses smiles. You’re wheeled out in a wheel chair after being told it’s mandatory, and Miranda meets you with a vehicle you don’t ever remember seeing in your life. It must belong to her you think and shrug it off. Like you have shrugged off so many things that you can’t seem to place. The drive is quiet because you have so many questions but part of you is terrified of the answers. </p>
<p>You walk into your apartment and nothing at all seems familiar to you. You walk slowly to your bed because lucky you, you’re stuck with a walker for the foreseeable future. Promises of time and physical therapy making everything okay again. You climb into your bed and find yourself hiding under the covers like you have your whole life when you’re scared. A few seconds pass and you feel a weight next to you. Then the covers get pulled back as bright blue eyes are peering into yours. </p>
<p>“You’re hiding now?” She asks incredulously. </p>
<p>“Nothing seems right.” You say. </p>
<p>“The Doctor said it would take time.” She tries. </p>
<p>“How long have we been together?” You blurt out. You watch as her mask slips and she looks as if she had been caught. </p>
<p>“It’s complicated.” She replies. </p>
<p>“I think I can understand.” </p>
<p>“We technically aren’t together.” She mumbles biting her lip. </p>
<p>“Excuse me?” </p>
<p>“Well we were but we sort of broke up.” </p>
<p>“So how did you know to find me? Did the hospital call you?” </p>
<p>“Not exactly.” </p>
<p>“What did you do stalk me?” You laugh at how crazy that sounds. </p>
<p>“Maybe.” </p>
<p>Your eyes grow wide in shock at her answer. </p>
<p>“Please leave.” You say pointing at the door. </p>
<p>“Please listen.” She grabs your hands but you don’t want to listen to what she has to say. </p>
<p>“I think I get why we broke up now. Leave. I won’t ask again.” </p>
<p>Her face falls for a second before her stony mask slides back in place. </p>
<p>“Fuck you. I didn’t want to come back to you anyways. I’m the one that left you anyways.” She snarls as she struts out. </p>
<p>You climb back under the covers and hide there until your best friend comes over three days later. Luckily you remember her because you guys have been friends since the 2nd grade. </p>
<p>“I hadn’t heard from you in almost two weeks.” She says as you open the door to let her in. </p>
<p>“I was in a car accident. I haven’t had time to replace my phone.” </p>
<p>“Wow, are you alright?” She looks you over. </p>
<p>“I’m fine Melody.” You reply shrugging off the obvious walker you have to use. </p>
<p>“I was worried you had another mental breakdown over Miranda.” She laughs. </p>
<p>“The funny thing about that is...I don’t really remember much about my life since I was 16. You remember that Christian summer camp our parents sent us to?”</p>
<p>“That’s a long time ago. You really don’t remember anything?”</p>
<p>“The last relationship I remember was Lucas.” </p>
<p>“You haven’t dated boys since your Mom died two years ago.” </p>
<p>“I don’t even remember losing her.” </p>
<p>“So has anyone been with you in the hospital I mean? I mean have you been alone all this time?” </p>
<p>“Miranda was there.” </p>
<p>“After what she did to you...she fucked you up so bad and then she has the audacity to show up at the hospital. I mean it’s been 8 months.” She is yelling now. </p>
<p>“I kicked her out when she told me we weren’t even technically together anymore.” </p>
<p>“Good it’s for the best. That woman is nothing but trouble.” </p>
<p>Melody spends the day trying her best to help you fill in the blanks and answer your questions. She leaves and your mentally exhausted. That’s the first night the dreams start. Flashes of brunette locks and blue eyes they leave you feeling empty. It feels like someone ripped your heart out and left a gaping hole in your chest. </p>
<p>Melody comes by almost daily to check on you until she finally drags you to replace your phone. Physical therapy seems long and tedious and your only reward being pain it seems. Though if your honest you can walk small distances without your walker now. Though you find yourself living on the pills they gave you when you left the hospital to combat the pain. The dreams still haunt you nightly so you have taken to avoiding sleep. </p>
<p>You find yourself sitting and staring at the skyline night after night. When the sun rises you go about your life. You’re supposed to start going back to work after the weekend. You don’t remember anyone at your job so your sure it’s going to be an interesting day back. </p>
<p>It’s Friday night and you fell asleep for the first time in two days. You wake up with a start and that empty feeling consuming you. You walk over to your window and find yourself staring at the people passing by going to and from clubs and bars. You spot a brunette and it makes your empty edges ache. You find yourself getting dressed and heading to the closest bar just to feel something other than the hole that seems hell bent on swallowing you whole. </p>
<p>The bartenders name is Charlie and apparently he remembers you. You smile politely and pretend he has a proper place in your memory so you can avoid unwanted questions. A redhead finds a seat next to you at some point of the night. She begins flirting with you and she buys you a drink. She tries to get you to dance with her. You laugh and take her hand because what do you have to lose. Sure your slow with moving at the moment because of the damage done to your legs and pelvic area but you deserve a good time. </p>
<p>“May I cut in?” You hear a familiar voice say. </p>
<p>You find yourself agreeing before you even think about it. You throw yourself into the brunettes arms without thinking. Because she is the balm to fix the wound in your chest. </p>
<p>“Have you been drinking while taking your pain pills?” She asks though she sounds like she already knows the answer. </p>
<p>You nod your head. </p>
<p>“Let’s get you home.” She says in a way that leaves absolutely no room for a debate. You cling to her hand as she walks you back to your apartment and up to your door. She watches as you fumble with the keys trying to unlock your door. She grabs them from you and unlocks the door herself. She looks as if she is ready to leave you now. </p>
<p>You throw your arms around her and press your face into her neck. “Stay.” You whisper. </p>
<p>“Alright.” She agrees and you both go inside. </p>
<p>You drag her into the bedroom and once you let go of her hand you stare her down like she’s going to disappear in a puff of smoke. She walks over to your dresser and grabs a t-shirt. You watch as she strips down to her matching bra and underwear and puts your t-shirt on. She climbs into your bed and stares at you expectantly. You hurry and change into a t-shirt and leggings. You climb in the bed and you wrap your arms around her. You’re too tired to notice her stiffen at your touch. You fall asleep and as you drift off you think she holds you back. </p>
<p>You wake with the first rays of sun streaming in your window. You start to wonder if last night was all just a dream. Once your sleepy mind fully wakes up you notice Miranda laying next to you. Her arm is thrown over your waist. She looks peaceful and her face is all angles and you love it. You trace her cheekbones with your finger. Her blue eyes open studying you quietly. </p>
<p>“You have physical therapy today.” She states matter of factly. </p>
<p>“Still stalking me then?” You cock an eyebrow at her. </p>
<p>“It’s complicated.” She says. </p>
<p>“Is our relationship like a need to know thing?” You ask. </p>
<p>“That’s absolutely the best way to describe it.” She smiles. </p>
<p>“So are you coming to physical therapy with me?” You wonder. </p>
<p>“No, I have to work.” </p>
<p>“Oh of course. I should have known that shouldn’t I?” You look at her. </p>
<p>“It’s alright.” She reassures you. </p>
<p>“Are you coming back or was this a one time thing?” You ask nervously. </p>
<p>“What do you want this to be? Because if you recall you sent me away.” </p>
<p>“Yes, but you said you left me the first time.” </p>
<p>“Need to know.” She replied. </p>
<p>You thought about everything and all you know is you couldn’t stand to live with your heart walking outside of your body and being nowhere near you. </p>
<p>“Please come back.” </p>
<p>Miranda nodded and started getting dressed. </p>
<p>“Umm here.” You said holding out a key as she finished putting her boots on. </p>
<p>She looked puzzled before she realized the key was to your apartment. She smiled  and placed the key in her pocket.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Physical therapy went the same as it always does. They remind you have an appointment with your doctor Tuesday so she can check your progress. They think you can give up the walker now for a cane. They seem thrilled at the progress you seem to be making. You smile when you feel it is expected of you. It isn’t that you aren’t excited about making progress physically...it’s just you want to remember who you were before the accident. You haven’t had any flashes of anything at all and it’s been a month now since the accident. </p>
<p>Miranda meets you outside of the physical therapy building. You’re surprised to see her. </p>
<p>“I got done early.” She shrugs. She comfortably matches your stride as you make your way back to your place. </p>
<p>“Have I ever been to your place?” You blurt out. </p>
<p>“Need to know.” She smirks. </p>
<p>You nod and keep walking. When you make it to the door of your apartment you watch as Miranda unlocks it and let’s you walk in. </p>
<p>“They said I could probably stop using the walker and start using a cane.” You blurt out. You have this urge to fill the silence with Miranda. </p>
<p>“That’s good.” She replies. </p>
<p>“I have an appointment Tuesday with my doctor. Would you come with me?” You ask. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I have to go out of town. I leave tomorrow. I was coming to tell you.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” You know you sound disappointed because you are disappointed. </p>
<p>You walk to the kitchen and start making yourself a drink to keep yourself busy. You just need your hands to stay busy. </p>
<p>“It’s only for a few days.” She says nonchalantly. </p>
<p>“Do you travel often?” You hate asking her questions when you feel you should already have all the answers. </p>
<p>“If I have to.” She responds and it feels all rather vague to you. </p>
<p>Your phone starts ringing and you look down quickly hitting ignore. </p>
<p>“You didn’t want to get that?” She asks pointing at the phone. </p>
<p>“Not a good idea.” You shake your head. </p>
<p>“And why is that?”</p>
<p>“It’s Melody.” You squeak out. </p>
<p>“Your best friend.” She says raising an eyebrow. </p>
<p>“Yes and she doesn’t approve of you.” </p>
<p>“So if you talked to her...”</p>
<p>“She would ask questions and some of the answers would most likely involve you.” </p>
<p>“That’s a bad a thing?” She asked holding back a grin. </p>
<p>“Yes, I told you that.” You say turning to face her. </p>
<p>You realize then she is trying to get a rise out of you. “What time are you leaving tomorrow?” You ask. </p>
<p>“Around 5 am.” </p>
<p>“Do you have to go back to your place to get things?” You realize you’re holding your breath waiting on her answer. </p>
<p>“I will.” She replies. </p>
<p>“So are you staying tonight?” You’re holding your breath once again. </p>
<p>“If you want.” She says nonchalantly. </p>
<p>“I do want.” You whisper. </p>
<p>“What was that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.” She says and you realize she is standing really close behind you because you can feel her breath on your neck. </p>
<p>You feel something feral in you seem to break free as you turn around and your hand is tangled in her brunette locks bringing her lips crashing to yours. As soon as she can she has her hands around your wrists pinning them above your head against your refrigerator. She wastes no time letting you know she is in charge. She bites down on your bottom lip eliciting a yelp from you as she puts her tongue in your mouth. She’s not gentle as she stuffs her hand down the front of your pants. Though you’re sure you weren’t expecting her to be. She brushes her thumb over your clit and you moan into her neck. The pace she sets is bruising but you feel yourself inching closer and closer to the edge. </p>
<p>“Who do you belong to?” She asks you suddenly slowing her pace. </p>
<p>The question doesn’t take you surprise like you would have expected it to. “You.” you breathe out locking eyes with her. </p>
<p>She increases her pace against your clit. “Come for me.” She says and that’s all it takes for you to come with her name on your lips like a prayer.</p>
<p>When you can remember how to make your legs move you clutch her hand and pull her towards your bedroom. You attempt to take control and return the favor but she doesn’t let you have a chance. </p>
<p>“Lay down.” She orders. You do what you’re told. She goes to one of your drawers pulling out handcuffs. She handcuffs you to the headboard. You want to question it but you feel like it’s something old you would approve of. You watch as she undresses herself. She then climbs over you leaning forward to brush her breasts against your clothed chest. She then positions herself above your mouth. </p>
<p>“Lick.” She orders. And you do and you watch as she slowly loses herself and she is riding your face. You ache to touch her and you realize that’s why she has handcuffed you. You watch as she tweaks her nipples and comes with a cry. Once she has collected herself and slides what you think of as her mask back in place she undoes the handcuffs. </p>
<p>You want to reach out and touch her but something in you tells you it would be unwelcome. You watch her put your robe on. </p>
<p>“I’m going to order some dinner for us.” She says walking out of your room. </p>
<p>You don’t realize you have fallen asleep until you feel a light touch move a strand of hair out of your face. You open your eyes to bright blue eyes staring down at you. </p>
<p>“The food will be here soon.” She says. You nod in acknowledgment before putting on clothes and following her to your living room. </p>
<p>You find yourself impressed when you realize Miranda has gotten you your favorites. It annoys you that she knows things about you and you know nothing about her. You can feel the scowl on your face. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Miranda asks you. </p>
<p>“It’s not fair.” </p>
<p>“What’s not fair?” She asks and you see her settle down on your sofa patiently waiting for you to open up. </p>
<p>“You know things about me and I have no clue who you really even are.” You know you’re pouting. </p>
<p>She says one word. “Time.” </p>
<p>You want to be angry and you want to rant but you just nod and shovel food into your mouth. </p>
<p>Once you’re done eating she sends you to take a shower. She says she can clean up and she doesn’t need your help. You decide it’s best not to argue. You take your shower and you get into bed trying to wait for her but you fall asleep. You don’t know when she comes to bed but it’s like your subconscious knows because you seek her out and you cling to her. </p>
<p>She tries her best not to wake you when she gets up to leave but your subconscious seems to take over again immediately noticing her absence. You find her in your living room putting her boots on. </p>
<p>“Miranda.” You say. There’s a soft look that crosses her face before she schools her features back in place. </p>
<p>She walks to you and places a kiss on your forehead. You wrap your arms around her and breathe in her scent. It feels like home a place you swore until this very moment you had never found. </p>
<p>“I’ll call you when I can.” She says as she walks out the front door. </p>
<p>You go back to sleep and spend most of the day hiding out in your bed. You answer a text from Melody telling her you are fine and will give her updates after your first day back at work the following day. </p>
<p>Monday comes and you wake anxious you can’t even stomach the thought of food. You get to work and it’s basically a day of training. Because how the hell should you know how to do your job when you barely know who you are? It’s absolutely frustrating and you find yourself in the bathroom late in the afternoon crying. You realize then you probably aren’t ready for this yet. You go talk to your supervisor and she understandingly agrees and sends you home. You go home and climb under the covers and have made up your mind that is where you will stay until your doctor’s appointment the next day.</p>
<p>You wake and get ready for your doctor’s appointment. You are hoping for definitive answers though you doubt you will get them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3 Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I know this is short but that’s because I broke this one into two parts. The second part will be from Miranda’s point of view.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You’re filled with anxiety and you put off eating again. You know it’s been over twenty-four hours but you know there is no way you can stomach food. </p>
<p>You sit in the waiting area until they call your name. You follow the nurse smiling and lying when she asks how you’ve been. You silently wait on the cold table of the exam room for the doctor to come in. </p>
<p>“Ms. Y/L/N nice to see you again.” She gives you a friendly smile. </p>
<p>“Nice to see you Doctor Emerson.” You smile politely back. </p>
<p>“So I have all your physical therapy notes and you are making great progress. Your Physical Therapist and I think within in the next month you will be able to get around unassisted. I agree though with them on using a cane until then. Any questions about that?” She looks at you expectantly. </p>
<p>“No, I don’t think so.” </p>
<p>“So any progress with remembering anything new?” She looks at you likes she is hoping the answer will be yes. </p>
<p>“No.” </p>
<p>“I was afraid that was going to be the answer. Are you still seeing your therapist? She might be helpful to you during this time.” </p>
<p>You shake your head no. You don’t even remember your therapist. </p>
<p>“Well let’s get you in to see her. Let’s say once a week for the next month. Then we can have you come back in here and reevaluate. How does that sound?” She looks up at you from writing notes in her folder. </p>
<p>“Great.” You smile resisting the urge to shoot her a thumbs up. </p>
<p>This is not great you think to yourself. You drown out the rest of appointment. Smiling and nodding when prompted. You grab the sheet she hands you and follow her out the room down the hall where you go check out. You hand the lady at the desk the form and she makes your next appointment and you leave knowing nothing more than when you arrived. </p>
<p>You get home and you know it’s time to call Melody. She doesn’t just want to talk to you though she says she is coming over and she leaves no room for debate. It feels like most everyone thinks that they can just tell you how things are going to be without argument. Maybe it’s your fault because you let them get away with it. </p>
<p>Melody knocks on your door fifteen minutes later and barges in without an invite. </p>
<p>“You’re back with her aren’t you?” She sounds annoyed. </p>
<p>“Melody.” You try to give an argument. </p>
<p>“No don’t Melody me. I’m beyond tired of cleaning up Miranda’s messes.” </p>
<p>“It’s not like that.” You start. </p>
<p>“No, I don’t want to hear it. I almost lost you because of her.” </p>
<p>“But Melody.” You know you’re trying again. </p>
<p>“Just because you don’t remember doesn’t mean I don’t. I was there. Why don’t you ask her what happened because she remembers to?” She says as she storms out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4 Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~Flashback but from Miranda’s point of view.~</p>
<p>It’s been six months, Miranda just let it go. She clearly has moved on since she took that girl home last night. You’re jealous and it doesn’t look good on you. How you could be so incredibly stupid and fall for someone amazes you. Your lifestyle doesn’t leave any room for real love. But here you are outside of her apartment door. You knock because just barging in after six months wouldn’t be right even if it is you. You wait but after 10 minutes you decide to break in anyways. Maybe she isn’t even home. Don’t be an idiot you have been watching her you know she hasn’t left. You hear a scream but it takes you a few moments to realize it was from you. You run to her and cradle her in your arms. Please don’t let her be dead you chant over in over in your head. She has a small pulse still you breathe a sigh of relief. You need to get her help. You get her to the hospital and you don’t want to but you call Melody. </p>
<p>“What did you do?” Melody yells when she finds you in the waiting room. </p>
<p>“I didn’t do anything to her. I just stopped by to see her.” You would snap her neck if she wasn’t Y/N best friend. </p>
<p>“After six months you just show up?” Melody doesn’t look or sound convinced. </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>“How did you get in her apartment?” She waits waiting for you to incriminate yourself. </p>
<p>“I broke in but if I didn’t she would have died.” </p>
<p>“This is your fault. You just couldn’t be happy that she loved you?” </p>
<p>“I don’t do love.” You state your constant excuse. </p>
<p>“So I’ve heard. Look I am going to stay here and pick up the pieces again and you’re going to leave and pretend this didn’t happen. Because I am not letting you waltz back in her life just to break her all over again.” </p>
<p>You nod and get up and walk out of the hospital and you make sure no one sees you cry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning for talks of suicide attempt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Miranda showed up a few days later. She didn’t call like she said she would but you assumed she had been busy and you didn’t dare question her. You were just happy to have her back even though she had a mark around her neck. She absolutely refused to tell you what happened. </p>
<p>You were sitting next to her feet on your sofa. Both of you with your head in books. You had read the same sentence a dozen times and you were no closer to being able to pay attention. Your head was buzzing with so many questions. </p>
<p>“Melody came by.” You said suddenly. </p>
<p>“Oh, how did that go?” She looked up from the book she had been studying. </p>
<p>“We had a fight.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” </p>
<p>“What happened while we were broken up?” You asked looking at her impatiently. </p>
<p>“Why would I know that? We weren’t together.” She says but there is a look in her eye that makes you feel like she is lying. </p>
<p>“Melody says differently.” </p>
<p>“Melody can fuck off.” Miranda spits out. </p>
<p>You feel like you crossed a line and you don’t even know what line it is. You look back at your book attempting to focus on it. </p>
<p>Miranda reaches out and grabs your wrist gently. You look up to try to lock eyes but she is looking at your arm. </p>
<p>“Do you know how you got these?” Miranda gently pushes up your sleeves running a finger gently over each scar on each wrist. </p>
<p>“You mean from my suicide attempt at 15?” You ask quietly still trying to meet her eyes. </p>
<p>“No they are newer than that.” She says. </p>
<p>“When?” You ask. </p>
<p>“Two months ago.” </p>
<p>“You said we weren’t together then.” She finally meets your eyes and her eyes are full of unshed tears. </p>
<p>“We weren’t together then. I just missed you and I decided to come by.” </p>
<p>You feel like there is more to it but you’re not going to push her. </p>
<p>“You found me?” You ask quietly. </p>
<p>She nods as one tear escapes her right eye. You pull her into your arms and hold her. She doesn’t fight it and she doesn’t say anything. Eventually you get up lacing your fingers with hers and leading her to the bedroom. You fall asleep holding each other. </p>
<p>“I have to go somewhere today. I’m probably going to be gone for awhile.” She says as she is putting her clothes on the next morning. </p>
<p>“I don’t want you to leave.” You know she can see the fear in your face. </p>
<p>You watch a look of confusion take over her face. </p>
<p>“You’re going to take my heart with you again.” You let out. </p>
<p>Miranda walks over to you and holds your face in her hands. </p>
<p>“Every moment without you feels like a hole has been ripped in my chest where my heart should be. It’s like I can’t breathe without you.” You admit quietly. </p>
<p>Miranda crushes your mouth with her’s. She pulls back and smiles at you. </p>
<p>“I will come back to you.” She says. </p>
<p>It’s almost a full week of absolutely nothing. You’re not even sure what you were expecting at this point. You’re sitting on your couch reading when you hear a key in your lock. Only one person besides you has a key. You’re up and in her arms the second the door is open. You hear her huff when you collide into her. She automatically reaches for her knife before realizing you’re just hugging her. You know you’re a sight tangled around her all arms and legs. </p>
<p>She carries you to the couch and sits down while you still hold on for dear life. Before you realize it you’re sobbing. You’re gasping for air as big drops roll down your cheeks. Miranda looks worried. </p>
<p>“Hey, hey...you’re okay.” She murmurs. </p>
<p>“I thought you had left forever again. Because why would you want to be with me. I’m so plain and ordinary and you’re this amazing goddess.” You hiccup out. </p>
<p>Miranda laughs at you. </p>
<p>“You’re crazy.” She laughs. She carries you to the bathroom and places you in front of the mirror. </p>
<p>“Not a thing is plain or ordinary about you.” She says as she cups your face and kisses you on the lips. You kiss her back letting her take the lead. You might not remember her but you just know she likes to be in charge. You pull away to catch your breath. </p>
<p>“We will finish this later.” She says as she bites down and sucks on your neck. She smirks as she walks out of your bathroom leaving you aroused. </p>
<p>“You’re leaving again?” You call out following her. </p>
<p>“Yes, but not for as long this time.” </p>
<p>“What is not as long?” You ask. </p>
<p>“Clingy is not something I do.” She admonishes you. </p>
<p>“Sorry Miranda.” You reply biting your lip. </p>
<p>“An hour, I just need to grab something from my apartment and I will be right back.” </p>
<p>You nod and she kisses the top of your head on her way out. </p>
<p>The minutes seem to drag by. You watch the clock but it never seems to move. At some point your eyes drift closed. You wake to a weight above you and cold metal against your neck. </p>
<p>“Miranda, what?” You ask when you realize her knife is to your neck. </p>
<p>Her only answer is a kiss to your mouth before she bites down hard on your bottom lip drawing blood. You yelp as she swipes her tongue across licking up the blood. She takes her knife and cuts your shirt right down the middle. You would admonish her for it but you’re afraid. Next she cuts your bra off of you. She holds the knife against your chest in a way that when you exhale it’s digging into your chest. Whatever this is it isn’t what you remember signing up for. You know somewhere in you that Miranda has this thing where she needs to be the one in control but this is too much. Tears start pouring down your face and you’re sobbing. You’re gasping to keep air in your lungs. Miranda closes her knife and pockets it. She rests her forehead against yours and gently strokes your face. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. You use to be okay with that.” She says. </p>
<p>You bury your face in her neck trying to ground yourself. She just holds you until you finally get your breathing under control and your tears stop. </p>
<p>“I don’t know if this is going to work, Miranda. I mean I am not her anymore. I don’t even know who she is.” </p>
<p>“But you’re still you.” She says looking into your eyes. </p>
<p>“Why did we break up the first time?” </p>
<p>“It was dumb. I don’t want to talk about it.” She shuts you down just like you expected her to. </p>
<p>“But I want to know because if it was something I did I don’t want to do it again.” </p>
<p>“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She says as she presses a kiss to your cheek. </p>
<p>“But that doesn’t answer the question Miranda.” </p>
<p>“It’s all you need to know.” She says. </p>
<p>You know the topic is closed so you let it drop and enjoy the fact she is letting you be close to her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Suicide attempt</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You whispered into her neck while snuggled into her side while laying in bed. “I love you.” You’re not sure why you said it. She hasn’t even been back in your life that long. Maybe it’s just a part of you waking up. </p><p>You felt her freeze immediately. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that should I?”</p><p>“It’s just that’s why we broke up before.” She sighed. </p><p>“Oh.” You breathed out.</p><p>“I just don’t do the whole love thing.” She says in a nervous voice. </p><p>“Oh, I understand.” You say with a fallen voice. </p><p>“No, you don’t and that’s my fault.” </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” And for the first time you’re the one pulling away.</p><p>“Wait Y/N let me explain.” </p><p>“Let me guess need to know right?” You say angrily. </p><p>“The accident you got in wasn’t an accident.” She blurts out. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Victor found about you. I broke up with you I know...but I couldn’t let you go. He found out and he tried to have you killed. He thought it was hilarious when he failed and you didn’t even know me.” </p><p>You feel confused like the world is caving around you all over again. Miranda walks to you and awkwardly tries to pull you into her arms. You breathe in her scent and you wish with all your heart that you could just remember anything. </p><p>“I don’t even know who Victor is.” You breathe out on a whisper: </p><p>“He’s who I work for.” Miranda says. </p><p>“What is it you do?” You ask. </p><p>“Need to know.” She says. </p><p>“Is he going to try to have me killed again?” You ask. </p><p>“Never! No one will ever lay a hand on you ever again.” She snarls. You see a glint in her eyes that scares you. </p><p>“So you don’t love me?” You ask remembering what started this conversation. </p><p>Miranda pulls away. </p><p>“I think I should go.” She states. </p><p>“Yes, I think you should.” You walk to the bedroom shutting the door and locking it. You know a lock could never keep Miranda out but you just need to feel the space. </p><p>You’re angry and before you can stop yourself you pick up the vase of flowers on your nightstand and throw them at the door. You simultaneously scream. It’s at that very moment your brain decides to give you back some memories. </p><p>~flashback~</p><p>You’re wrapped around her breathing her scent. She smells like something flowery but also a hint of citrus. You can never get enough. You know that the only reason she is letting you hold her is because she is asleep. She would never allow this if she was awake. Far too soon for your liking she wakes up and detaches herself from your hold. She goes about getting ready like she didn’t just shatter your heart a little bit more. </p><p>“Dinner tonight?” She asks nonchalantly. </p><p>You nod your agreement and she pecks you on the lips as she is on her way out the door. </p><p>~flashback 2~ </p><p>You tell her you love her for the first time and you watch her immediately shut down. </p><p>“I told you when we started this thing. I DO NOT do love. I just wanted a good fuck no strings attached.” She says. </p><p>You’re so confused because if she isn’t working she is always with you. You do more than fuck. You shouldn’t push it but you want to. </p><p>“But what if I want more? I want love and a forever kind of thing.” You blurt out. </p><p>“I don’t do those things. So if that’s what you want I am afraid this isn’t going to work.” She says. </p><p>“But I love you Miranda.” Why you say it again like it’s going to have any sort of affect on her you don’t know. </p><p>She shakes her head. “I heard you the first time.” She says coldly. </p><p>“So is this it?” You ask feeling tears welling up in your eyes. </p><p>“I’m afraid so. I don’t do feelings.” She says with absolutely no emotion. She grabs her things and leaves without even looking back. It’s the first time you ever remember feeling like there was a gaping hole in your chest. You watched the days drag by as the hole devoured you completely. The darkness had engulfed every single piece of who you were. Melody finds you four days after Miranda walked out and you’re almost in a self imposed comatose state. She asks you about food and sleep but the words just don’t make sense. </p><p>You come to in a hospital. You wrack your brain but have no idea how or when you got there. They watch you to make sure you eat and can function properly. Once they are sure you can do the basic things you need they send you to therapy groups, make you see a psychiatrist and start taking medication. You spend a week and a half in the facility before Melody comes and takes you home. </p><p>Melody basically moves in for the next month to keep an eye on you making sure you’re taking care of yourself. You pretend you’re better so she will finally go home to her boyfriend because you know they miss each other. </p><p>~flashback 3~</p><p>It’s been exactly six months since Miranda left. You go out to a bar and meet a girl that has the same shade of hair that Miranda has and you drink until you forget both your names. The brunette girl comes home with you. You come around her fingers with Miranda’s name on your lips. She is too drunk to notice you called her by the wrong name. The next morning you wake to an empty bed and one hell of a hangover. All you can think of is Miranda, her blue eyes. You miss her and the hole you have so desperately been trying to fill the past six months is consuming you again. You can’t take it anymore. You don’t think you just want it all to stop. The feelings and thoughts are consuming you. You grab a knife from the kitchen and slit your wrists open. As the pain hits you can breathe a little easier. You welcome the darkness as it over takes you.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning: Violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You came to and you weren’t sure where you were. You had an odd taste in your mouth and there was the metallic scent of blood in the air. Your vision was hazy and your head was pounding. You tried to move and that’s when you realized your hands were cuffed and your feet were chained to the floor. Your mouth was covered with duct tape. You were pretty sure that a rib or two was broken because breathing was excruciating. Your shoulder felt like it was out of it’s socket and you still hadn’t figured out if the blood you smelt was from you or someone else. Before you can attempt to investigate any further you can hear the sound of heels and heavy boots coming closer. </p>
<p>“Well look here Miranda your pet is awake.” You hear a man laugh. You look up and your eyes lock on Miranda’s blue ones. </p>
<p>“Miranda you think she is ready for round two?” The man is still laughing. That’s when you notice he has the barrel of a gun pushed into Miranda’s spine. </p>
<p>Miranda is walking towards you with her knife. You’re terrified and you see a look in Miranda’s eyes you can’t place right before she stabs you in the leg. You’re screams are muffled. She runs her knife down your arm. You watch as a red line forms down the length of your arm. Then she stabs you again this time in your chest. The last thing you notice though she isn’t trying to kill you at least not right away. You slip back into unconsciousness. </p>
<p>You come to again. You don’t have a clue how much time has passed. The pain overwhelms your senses. </p>
<p>“Oh look she’s awake again.” Let’s try something different this time huh?” The man from earlier says. </p>
<p>Your eyes roam the room looking for Miranda. You spot here as someone is holding a gun to her head. She looks like she has already been in a fight. All you want do is run to her to take care of her but you can’t. </p>
<p>“Let‘s see how much your little pet cares about you.” He motions for someone and they come and undo your handcuffs and your chains. You know better than to make a run for it and honestly you don’t think you could if you tried. He motions to the man holding Miranda. You watch as the guy grabs her by her hair knocking her to ground before kicking her square in the gut. You immediately move towards her it’s like your body has a mind of it’s own. The man keeps kicking her and you watch as Miranda begins to fight back. It looks like she has the upper hand until the guy that unbound you goes to assist. They knock her down and before she has a chance to get back up you have thrown yourself at one of the men. The only thought you had was to save Miranda. You know nothing about fighting but you are able to knee him in the balls. While he is clutching his balls and yelling you poke your fingers in his eyes trying to gouge his eyes out. Your successful and the thought makes you sick to your stomach. You look over to see how Miranda is faring with the other guy. She has just successfully taken his gun and shoots him. You look around and realize the man who was in charge has disappeared. Miranda walks over to you grabbing your hand. You follow her without question. She gets you into her car. You feel the adrenaline you were running on start to leave you. All the pain threatens to overwhelm you but you want to know Miranda is okay. </p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Your eyes running over her body to her injuries. </p>
<p>“Nothing that won’t heal.” She runs her eyes over your wounds. </p>
<p>“As long as your safe.” You feel the pain pulling you under. </p>
<p>“I never wanted you to get hurt. I’m so sorry. This is why you shouldn’t love me.” </p>
<p>“You have my heart. I will always love you.” You give a small smile.</p>
<p>“I love you too.” You think you hear her say as all your injuries finally pull you under. </p>
<p>You wake to an overwhelming sterile smell. You’re in a hospital bed like months before but this time you are utterly alone. </p>
<p>“The Doctor will be so happy to see you’re awake.” A nurse came in smiling at you. </p>
<p>“Where’s Miranda?” You ask. </p>
<p>“There is a young lady in the waiting room waiting to see you but her name isn’t Miranda I don’t think.” The nurse replies. </p>
<p>“Who dropped me off here?” </p>
<p>“An ambulance ma’am someone found you outside of a coffee shop.” </p>
<p>“No that can’t be right.” You shake your head trying your hardest to remember. </p>
<p>“How about I go get your friend?” The nurse asks nicely. </p>
<p>You nod in agreement. A couple minutes after the nurse exits your room she comes back with Melody. </p>
<p>“Melody, where’s Miranda?” </p>
<p>“What? Who are you talking about?” Melody asks. </p>
<p>“You know Miranda. I mean you hate her but you know her. Brunette, the most beautiful blue eyes, kind of scary when she wants to be but there is like a hidden sweet side. I’m hopelessly in love with her. Any of that ring a bell?” You blush when you realize you admitted your true feelings out loud. </p>
<p>“No.” Melody replies. </p>
<p>“Come on stop playing.” You say. </p>
<p>“I’m not. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” </p>
<p>“So how did I get these injuries if there is no Miranda?” You ask. </p>
<p>“A robbery gone wrong is what the police think.” She says. </p>
<p>“That’s not right. Where is Miranda?” You feel yourself becoming hysterical. You call for her over and over as tears stream down your face. </p>
<p>Melody presses the button for the nurse. The nurse comes in and gives you a sedative in your IV. </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>That’s how you find yourself in a facility for people with mental health problems. It’s a basically a mental institution slapped with some pretty name like Three Rivers. Is that supposed to make you feel better? They tell you that Miranda and the past year didn’t actually happen. They say you had a mental breakdown after your mom died and you made everything up. They tell you Miranda isn’t real and that it’s all in your head.</p>
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